Ongoing Documentation of My Lived Experience This page is an ongoing documentation of my lived experience, focusing on Jacob Kearin’s role in my journey as a survivor. My intent is not to shame, but to create an honest public record and to highlight systemic issues that affect countless survivors. The Reality of Inaction
I trusted Jacob. During a period of severe trauma and exploitation by David Hanson, Jacob-based on my direct interactions and contemporaneous documentation-was aware of concerning signs that could have prompted intervention or support. Instead, he chose not to act. He never checked in, and ultimately told me never to contact him again. Jacob was not the only one who failed me at this time. My psychiatrist, someone I had seen for seven years, responded to my disclosure of rape by asking, “How do you know it happened?” This kind of gaslighting from a trusted mental health professional was devastating. Several old friends also failed to offer the support or intervention I needed. Their silence, disbelief, or unwillingness to get involved left me isolated at a time when I needed compassion and advocacy the most.
This is not just a personal grievance; it reflects a broader societal pattern: the gap between the protection survivors are promised and the support they actually receive. Research shows that many survivors are disbelieved or unsupported by those closest to them, and retaliatory legal actions are common tactics used to silence survivor voices. In moments of crisis, we hope friends, professionals, and our communities will stand by us-until they don’t. The pain of being disbelieved and abandoned compounds the trauma of violence, leaving survivors to pick up the pieces alone.
Content Warning This section discusses self-harm and the emotional impact of betrayal. If you are struggling, you are not alone. Click here for support. The pain and devastation I felt each time I learned that someone I trusted didn’t believe me was overwhelming. The emotional agony became so intense that I began to have intrusive thoughts of hurting myself-just to escape the pain of betrayal and disbelief.
This is the reality for many survivors: the harm caused by abandonment, disbelief, and gaslighting can be as severe as the original trauma. When those we turn to for help respond with doubt or distance, it deepens the wounds and makes healing feel even further out of reach.
Silencing Through Legal Mechanisms When I continued to speak out about my experiences, Jacob responded with legal action by filing a harassment restraining order (HRO) against me. This is a documented tactic often used to discourage survivors from sharing their stories and to protect reputations rather than address harm. Jacob later withdrew the harassment restraining order, but the act of filing it-a documented tactic to silence survivors-speaks volumes. It demonstrates how legal tools can be misused to silence survivor voices, rather than support healing or accountability. There were times when I said things that were sharp, things meant to hit where it hurt. I was swinging wildly, desperate for someone to defend me, to care, to wake up and see the pain I was in. Maybe I crossed lines, maybe even multiple lines, but it all came from a place of deep betrayal and unraveling.
If he was hurt by my words, that doesn’t erase what he didn’t do. He ignored my cries for help and cut me off when I was in crisis. That silence left scars, too.
I don’t know if I want to apologize so much as I want to be understood. I want the full story seen, not just the worst things I said, but the reasons behind them, and the pain of being left alone when I needed support most.
We weren’t entangled in some messy, on-again-off-again drama. We dated in high school, then Jacob joined the Navy and left. For years, neither of us dated anyone else. Then, after all that time apart, he came back, met someone new within a couple of months, moved in together, and now they’re getting married.
So when I reached out-yes, sometimes in anger and pain-it wasn’t because we had some unresolved romantic mess. It was because I was reeling from trauma, and because for years, he had been one of the only constants in my life. The suddenness of his new relationship and the way he shut me out felt like another abandonment layered on top of everything else.
When he said he’d give me “one more chance” after a night of rage texting, and actually did, it was clear he wasn’t truly afraid. If he had been, he wouldn’t have reopened communication. The restraining order wasn’t about safety; it was about shutting me down and moving on without having to face what had happened.
The real purpose of the restraining order wasn’t about fear or safety. It was about control-about creating distance, avoiding accountability, and protecting the new life Jacob was building. It was easier for him to silence me than to face the pain, the history, or the truth of what had happened between us. Legal paperwork became a shortcut to closure, but only for him.
While I struggled to process trauma and navigate legal obstacles, Jacob continued his life-advancing his relationships, maintaining social connections, and notably, keeping contact with my abuser.
Meanwhile, my own life unraveled in the aftermath of choices made by someone I had considered a friend for over a decade.
Why This Documentation Exists This record serves as both testimony and protection. If future legal actions arise, this stands as a clear, contemporaneous account of my experience. More importantly, it is a call for transparency and accountability. Jacob’s inaction left me isolated and unprotected, compounding the harm. His silence protected an abuser and deepened the harm to a survivor.
A Human Rights and Anti-SLAPP Perspective Speaking the truth about abuse is not just a personal act-it is a fundamental human right recognized by international law. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (Article 19) and the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR, Article 19) both protect the right to freedom of expression, which includes the right to share one’s lived experience and to seek and impart information.
Silencing survivors through legal threats or retaliatory lawsuits violates these rights and undermines the global movement to end gender-based violence. International human rights standards emphasize that survivors must be able to speak out without fear of retribution, legal harassment, or intimidation.
Anti-SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation) laws exist to protect individuals who speak out on matters of public concern-especially when their speech exposes wrongdoing or systemic failure. These laws recognize that legal actions intended to intimidate, silence, or punish those who exercise their rights to free expression are an abuse of the legal system and a threat to democracy and justice.
My story is part of a global movement demanding that survivor voices be heard and protected, not punished. Documenting my experience is not only my right-it is a vital part of holding systems and individuals accountable, and of ensuring that other survivors know they are not alone.
My Intent and Commitment This site exists to foster awareness, accountability, and systemic change-not to incite harassment or personal attacks. Every statement here is made in good faith, based on my lived experience, contemporaneous records, and available evidence.
If any inaccuracies are identified, I welcome dialogue and will correct them promptly. I have chosen to omit certain private details out of respect for privacy, focusing only on what is necessary for public understanding and safety. Resources & Support If you are a survivor, know that you are not alone. Support is available: • National Sexual Assault Hotline • Brave Movement • Survivor Advocacy Organizations
If you are an ally, stand with us in demanding truth, justice, and reform.
Invitation to Dialogue
If anyone named here believes there are factual inaccuracies, I invite you to contact me for clarification or correction. Transparency and truth are the foundation of accountability. Note: This documentation is protected by international human rights law and, where applicable, anti-SLAPP statutes. Attempts to silence or retaliate against survivor speech are not only unjust-they are contrary to global standards of justice and human dignity.
Disclaimer: This documentation reflects my personal lived experience and is published in good faith. It is not intended as legal advice or to incite harassment. Corrections will be made if errors are identified. This account is based on my personal recollections, contemporaneous records, and documented evidence. This site exists because the truth deserves to be public-not just for me, but for every survivor who has been manipulated, harmed, abandoned, or silenced. If your name is on this site, it’s not to shame you. It’s to hold up a mirror. If that reflection is uncomfortable, ask yourself why. This is not personal revenge. It’s public record. These aren’t attacks-they’re consequences. If your actions were acceptable in private, they should withstand public truth. If you’re proud of what you did, stand by it. If you’re not, that discomfort belongs to you-not me. Survivors are done being more ashamed to speak than abusers are to harm. I’m not here to protect your image. I’m here to protect others-and myself. Every statement here is made in good faith, based on my lived experience and available evidence. Corrections will be made if errors are identified. Speaking the truth about abuse is a human right, recognized by international law. Silencing survivors is a violation of that right. I’m also here to lead the way for other survivors to do the same. To show that it’s not only possible to speak-but powerful. Your name can be a part of that movement, not because I said so, but because of what you did. If you are a survivor, you are not alone. If you are an ally, stand with us for truth, justice, and reform.